Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
