i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
