: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The adults are the big ones right?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
