I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
