Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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