I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
