were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
