k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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