Tell her she can't have a vagina
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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