hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize