I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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