Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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