Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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