every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
