some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
