I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
