WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
