Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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