He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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