as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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