I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
