people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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