Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
