I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
