That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
