the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
