So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
