Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize