and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
