just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
