dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Couch. On fire.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
