Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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