dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
