Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
