All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Yo dont text me then not text me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you didnt know i had herpes?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
