Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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