Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
