Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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