You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
