i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize