we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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