he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Operation Purity has been aborted
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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