he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
