Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
