and she was petting her beer can
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
