so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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