Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize