I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize