So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
