so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
