I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
