I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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