I wish I only lived at night.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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