standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
