Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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