my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
