Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
the liver wants what the liver wants
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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