Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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