Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
