If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
