I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
