Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
