He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
