The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize